Professor Birdsong seems never to rest for here he is again out with a new volume of his 147 most favorite dumb criminal stories from his home state of Florida. Having been both a federal prosecutor and later a defense attorney Professor Birdsong knows just how dumb some criminals can be. They can be so dumb as to be outright funny. All the stories are true and it seems that Florida is a special place for dumb criminals. From North Florida we have the story recounting how authorities are searching for the former director of tourism in Okaloosa County, after he allegedly used county tax money to purchase a $710,000 yacht and then went missing. We learn of a Jacksonville man who was arrested after walking out of a local cemetery with three bouquets he had stolen from a fresh grave. He told police the flowers were for his girlfriend. In Gulf Coast Florida there is a story about a woman arrested for driving drunk while wearing no pants. Another story comes from Tampa where a woman was arrested for using glue to close up her dog’s C-section. The dog had trouble giving birth so the woman had sliced the pet’s stomach open. In central Florida a story about an allegedly acid-crazed college student who pleaded with police not to cut off his penis, then abruptly changed his mind and begged them to sever his member. At a gas station in Suburban Orlando a woman who began shouting she was “God” was taken into custody for dousing her car with gasoline and then setting it ablaze with a lighter. Full of his witty “Birdsong’ commentary this volume of 147 Dumbest Criminal Stories: Florida will make you laugh out laugh at some of the dumb antics of these criminals. For laughs this volume is worth reading.
It appears she was drunk and he used a driver. FORE! The father of a spring-breaker arrested for underage drinking got so angry about having to stand in a long line at the jail to pay his daughter’s bail that he bashed six cars with a golf club. The irate daddy, whose 20-year-old daughter had been arrested in DeFuniak Springs, was seen on surveillance tape whacking a police car and five other vehicles in the jail parking lot, causing $1,600 in damage.